I feel like I am supposed to be upset, like I am supposed to be longing for something that isn’t here, but I am not.
This morning I was talking to a friend of mine who had an abortion close to 20 years ago. She says she has some guilt, not all consuming, but she can see how it has affected her life and her actions since then. I can understand and respect it, but I feel so differently. After the abortion I thought about it a lot. Not as much as I thought I would, but it would come to mind quite frequently. I would think about what my body would have looked like at that stage of pregnancy. What I would be thinking, how freaked out I would be, basically just wondering what my life would be like. Ever since my last due date I have felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think about it less and less. Until today, the day that I should be all sad and lonely, I am not. I am surprisingly fine. I think I am going to accept that.
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